Little update… we had a pretty serious scare… I was feeling really off for a little while so I was going through testing for lupus and all this other crazy stuff…. NEGATIVE!!!!!!!!! Thank God! I still have to go for a rheumatology consult, but I’m taking the steps I need to take… so, as time moves on I will  update everybody on what’s happening

Needless to say, I kinda withdrew myself for a while, but it put a lot of things into perspective: One was that no matter how alone you feel at anytime, there are still people in your life that are there to help, who want to be there, and who will give you all the support in the world. I think that I’m eternally blessed to have that in my life. Second… Being or feeling lonley isn’t necessarly a bad thing. It has let me re-connect with who I am and who I want to be. It gives you time to sort things out. This is exactly what I needed strictly becuase I believe that it gives me time to search. As much as it sucks and heart break is a mother effing biachhhhhh, it happens for a reason and as much as you want to fight it, it might be good to embrace it. cry, get angry, feel sad, relieved.. or 5 gazillion other emotions that come out of that. It’s healing.. and it makes you a different person.. and you learn different things.. but it wouldn’t happen if something good wouldn’t eventually come out of it. Third… I love being a mother more than anything that I’ve ever had an opportunity to be in my life. What love is and my idea of love has forever changed since I became a mother. The love that I have for brooke is eternal and so fulfilling, and yet something that I was not sure I could ever feel or not what I expected. Becoming a mom was scary…. and i mean the feeling of OH MY GOD I DON’T THINK I CAN DO THIS. I learned that I would give anything to make brooke happy and see her grow and that is what true love is.  And lastly (for now) I know that things are always going to be changing, and I will always be learning… and I think that that is what makes life exciting

I’ve been reading this really great book latley, and its all about confronting life head on and connecting mind/body/soul. And the biggest things that I’ve been learning is taking a little time for myself everyday… All of us spend so much of our days working, or helping others, or playing one of the many roles that we are given, that you need to take time for self. Whether it be by taking 15 minutes to meditate, cooking yourself healthy food ((exactly what i do)), working out, getting a spa treatment, or anything along that line, its rewarding and everybody should do it in their own way… becuase its wonderful <3

But with all of this, I feel like…yet again… i’ve had the opportunity to have a fresh start… a new take on health/fitness (which i’ve alwyas been addicted to)… a move to a new apartment for brooke and i… new opportunities in life.. annnndddd perhapps a little makeover oh.. and from now on I promise to be a little more diligent about posting! PeaceAndLove

I’ll start off with why I started this… If you talked to me three years ago my point of view would have been completly different. Life can take on a whole new meaning at any given time, and I’ve learned this over and over again in some of the best ways possible

Almost two years ago I became a mother, which was the most important experience in my life thus far. Being a mom has changed my whole entire life and since that has happened I have taken on a whole new perspective ((in a good way)). Brooke has given me a whole new motivation: to finish school, to find my passion in the healthcare field, to be a better person, to explore my faith in different ways, and to realize the person that I am.

I can also say that the past year and a half have been some ofthe hardest in me life, especially recently. Long story short I had to make the decision to break up what I thought was going to be my family because it was going to be what was best for Brooke and I. To begin with, that took strength that I never thought that I had, but it has also changed my ideas on what a family is. Although it’s just Brooke and I my parents and friends have become more important to me then ever. Especially though a horrific court battle. Though this court process I have come to the realization that you should never judge a person becuase you have _no idea_ what is going on in their life. I have not only learned this through the family court process that I am going through, but also by the patients that I see day in and day out who are facing some pretty hard times.

That got me to thinking…. although some days I just want to be pissed off and angry and get a little sympathy, I am actually a pretty lucky person. I have a gorgeous daughter who  makes me smile more and more every day who fills me with love. Two awesome jobs, friends that I would not exchange for anything in the world, a supportive family, and I’ve found a way to get into a field that I have always had a passion for.

Since I have started this court process I have tried to find ways to help myself through this and When I was going through a hard time with coming to grips with being a single mother I found a book by the Dalai Lama. I found a new one called “The Path to Tranquility” So, hopefully, with my daily blogs I will have a quote from the Dalai Lama.. Today’s is:

     “Compassion, tolerance, and altruism bring us happiness and calmness. Therefore, these are basically spiritual. Religion comes later. Actually, religion is meant for satisfaction and is the ultimate source of happiness. It simply tries to stregthen the element of mental happiness. Perhaps positive mental thought is my conception of spirituality.”

This is kind of an odd start.. but my postings will have everything from inspirational sayings, health, nutrition/fitness, and just thoughts on life, love, and happiness

So.. to new beginnings, positive thoughts, and ultimatley newfound happiness

With Love <3